So I just moved into a new house yesterday. Yay for keeping busy! I will be back on dA sometime here.. I dont know.

Will update you all later!

I have been really busy with getting ready to move, ending my semester, and work (we have been really damn busy these past days), so I haven't had a chance to get onto dA for a while really. Unfortunately when I move it won't be easier to get on... actually harder. I have to give my laptop back to school today and I am still waiting on a part to come in the mail for my other one... so as of 3:30 PM today I will be computer-less... Help! Geek in need!! Anyways if you need to get ahold of me, most of you that will read this know how.


Saturday I will be moving. I am leaving many deviants behind here.... most notably (in no particular order) , , , , , , and my boyfriend (and Kyle... I lost your name on here ) and others that I have forgotten to add into here during this emotional moment. But more than that, I am leaving many other great friends that I have made along the year that I have lived here; Lauren, Anand, Amanda, Ericka, Andrew, Jeff, Cari, Raso, Angel just to name a few. My roommates this last semester have been amazing; I will miss Molly Lana, Ashley, and Laura greatly. I have made some of the best friends a person could ever ask for here. I have never felt as loved as I have this past year.. shit.. I am starting to tear up writing this... it has finally hit me. I do not make close friends that easily - yet you guys just seemed to fall into place. Never have I been surrounded by people that truly accept me for who I am... you all have no idea what you mean to me (and this is directed at the deviants listed above and others that I am leaving behind). I am sorry that I have not been the best of friend to all of you, and I wish that we would have hung out more together over the year. I have gone through a lot of changes in my life since moving here.. and I think I may have finally decided on who I want to be - and this is probably influenced by those that I have surrounded myself with. For everything there is a reason.. and I believe that I was meant to meet you all when I moved here. I can promise you one thing (and even ask Matt.. I almost NEVER promise anything), you have not seen the last of me. I will be back to visit.. and I probably will force you guys to make a trip up to the cities sometime, haha.

I don't know if I am leaving for all the right reasons. I dont know if I am making the biggest mistake of my life... or the best decision ever. Actually I know that is neither and both at the same time. I am finally going to be able to start my life the way that I want to. I was not ready to come to school. I was more or less forced into it. If I had the choice to do things over again knowing that I would not be ready for school.. I would still have come here because of the people that I met and the experiences that I had.

This is not goodbye.. this is a new beginning. A new start. A new life.

Love always,
Alex

(PS. You fuckers better not forget about me )

All The Same by Sick Puppies. Listen here by watching the video on the main page.
(it fits my mood... sad yet on the verge of something new.. a breakthrough... new hope...)
I don't mind where you come from
As long as you come to me
I don't like illusions I can't see
Them clearly

I don't care no I wouldn't dare
To fix the twist in you
You've shown me eventually
What you'll do

I don't mind...
I don't care...
As long as you're here

Go ahead tell me you'll leave again
You'll just come back running
Holding your scarred heart in hand
It's all the same
And I'll take you for who you are
If you take me for everything
Do it all over again
It's all the same

Hours slide and days go by
Till you decide to come
And in between it always seems too long
All of a sudden

And I have the skill, yeah I have the will
To breathe you in while I can
However long you stay
Is all that I am

I don't mind...
I don't care...
As long as you're here

Go ahead tell me you'll leave again
You'll just come back running
Holding your scarred heart in hand
It's all the same
And I'll take you for who you are
If you take me for everything
Do it all over again
It's always the same

Wrong or right
Black or white
If I close my eyes
It's all the same

In my life
The compromise
I close my eyes
It's all the same

Go ahead say it you're leaving
You'll just come back running
Holding your scarred heart in hand
It's all the same
And I'll take you for who you are
If you take me for everything
Do it all over again
It's all the same

I think that this journal may piss a few people off - heteros and homos alike. I do not think that we should try to get gay marriage legalized. What? Are you serious? Yes. I am. As much as I would want to have a marriage title... it is not going to happen. You can argue separation of church and state all you want... but it won't change anything. The fact is that our country has so many religious people that are against having gay marriages because they see it as a religious institution. Of these people that are opposed to gay marriage many are for gays and lesbians having equal rights under the law - notice equal rights under the law, not under "God". I believe that over a majority would approve of civil unions.

The way I see it, their religious views should not be oppressed onto me because I am in the minority in that I am not a Christian, but I have come to terms that because I am the minority, I do not have much of a choice.

Here is what I think should be done.

• Set up a way for civil unions to be formed (being that civil unions have the same rights and privileges that marriages do except for the marriage name)


• Get the country used to the idea of gay couples forming unions.


• Eventually abolish the use of marriages for public purposes and instead make all (gay and straight) couples have civil unions. Marriages can still be put to use, but only in religious terms and not for governmental use.

Why abolish marriage?
If marriage is seen as a religious institution then it has no basis in being in any lawfully binding documents. I am not saying abolish it completely, people can still be married under the eyes of their deity (God in most cases) and have a civil union for legal purposes. This is no different than getting married by a judge initially and having the ceremony at another time. In fact, everyone needs to get a marriage license from the government at some point if they are going to be legally married.

This is just my opinion on what should happen. If this country wants to move forward in society and be the "Land of the Free" then we must quit being unjustly bigoted towards our own citizens. I am all for equality, unfortunately in this case I am not sure that gay marriage is attainable, but therefore we must accept the fact that this country is not ready for it, and probably will never be ready to call it a marriage.


Response 1
I fully agree with you that gays should be allowed to marry under religious terms, and I know that a few churches (UCC, Episcopalians, etc (well I know they do commitment ceremonies at least)) allow it. The really shitty thing is that most religions will not allow it and probably never will. Personally I do not care for a religious ceremony because I am not religious so I think our perspectives are different a bit. Because they are private (well almost private) institutions, there is not much we can do to change them. I never said that down the road we should not get them to change their mind... if anything our generation is the one that is going to change things around. I can foresee the church endorsing same sex marriages in the future, just as they stopped banning inter race marriages and stopped supporting slavery. Do not ever give up the hope of being married... just don't expect it any time soon.

Personally I do no think there would be a difference in the status level if my plan is followed and everyone is given civil unions, and if they want to they can get married in the church. Calling it a marriage for everyone just does not make sense because not everyone follows the Christian religion.

I know that this is a touchy subject for almost everyone involved - and how can it not be? On one hand it is forcing most of the population to change it's thinking, and on the other its a fight for rights. It is reminiscent of the 50s and 60s when MLK was fighting for equal race rights... the only problem is that we do not have a central leader to lead the charge - and I don't think that one is going to come forward and lead the fight. This battle is a new kind of societal change. For our country it was race and before that, women. The difference this time is that you can't always tell who is gay and who is not.

Response 2
I see your point about the wording used. Maybe if civil unions are enacted for gays then the populous will get used to it and eventually it will turn from civil union to marriage so the word wouldn't be lost.

So I lost my Cannon 30D sometime... actually I think that it was stolen... It is not in my car, its not in my room, its not at my parents house... I am kinda pissed... I just bought it... I guess I am going to head home and look for it.. again.... the fucker was not cheap... at all..

CONTEST EXTENDED: I don't know when I am extending it to... but there are no where near enough entrants yet! Get your friends involved! Tell people! Lets get this thing goin!
REMINDER: Entries can be in any format!


Interpretive contest. Finding inspiration in the same song to see the varied responses.
What: Well, here is the deal. There is a song that we believe could be interpreted a few ways - and I am sure you will agree to that as well. It is I Won't See You Tonight (parts 1 & 2) by Avenged Sevenfold. You can use the entire thing, or just section(s) of it, as long as its inspired by it.

Why: Because we can, and it will be interesting to see what you all come up with, and your different interpretations of what we give you

Who are we? =31uc1d, *exdream2k5, and =KyraShangea. Who are you?.... I can't believe you asked that.. but.. anyone that wants to be in the contest is in, just let =31uc1d know so he can add you to the list.

Where: Submit everything to =31uc1d - he will then send them to the other two for judging.

When: Well, between whatever today is and EXTENDED. All submissions are DUE in *31uc1d's inbox at midnight on the night of extended GMT (for Americans... because I do not have faith in our country to know timezones all too well... that is 7PM eastern, 6PM central, 5PM mountain, 4PM pacific.) There is no late policy, and we WILL be strict with it. Not a second late, got it?

You will be judged on: 1. Quality of work presented.
2. A written statement of your interpretation.
3. Remember, this is NOT a popularity contest, and we will not take our friends' work over yours.

Judging Process: The three of us will each pick our individual top 3, and then from those 9 submissions we will choose the winners. This insures that it will be a fair judging.

Prizes: 1st place gets a 3 month subscription while second and third get a 1 month each.

We will not be saying what our interpretations of the song are.. That is for you to come up with, and to tell you would defeat the purpose of this contest. It is completely open. There are no rules as to what CAN and CANNOT be submitted. Hell, you could submit a written response (poem, prose) to it, and you will still be accepted.


I Won't See You Tonight Part 1

Cry alone, I've gone away
No more nights, no more pain
I've gone alone, took all my strength
I've made the change,
I won't see you tonight

Sorrow, sank deep inside my blood
All the ones around me
I cared for and loved

Building up inside of me
A place so dark, so cold, I had to set me free
Don't mourn for me,
You're not the one to place the blame
As bottles call my name I won't see you tonight

Sorrow sank deep inside my blood
All the ones around me
I cared for and most of all I loved
But I can't see myself that way
Please don't forget me or cry while I'm away

Cry alone, I've gone away
No more nights, no more pain
I've gone alone, took all my strength
But I've made the change,
I won't see you tonight

So far away, I'm gone.
Please don't follow me tonight
And while I'm gone everything will be alright

No more breathe inside
Essence left my heart tonight


I Won't See You Tonight Part 2

Come back to me, this is inconceivable
Breaking apart the ones you love
Hate runs deep for what you've done to us
Left alone through suicide...suicide

I just want to die, take away my life
Lay by your side, please...

Come back to me, this is inconceivable
Breaking apart the ones you love
Hate runs deep for what you've done to us
Left alone through suicide

Look at my face you pierce with a blank stare
No dream could prepare a heart for a lifeless friend.
He's gone. Nothing will take back time.
I need him back, but nothing will take back time.

I can see just fine with you in my life,
There by my side as it starts to fade
I know this can't be right, stuck in a dream
A nightmare full of sorrow

Nightmare - full of pain [x2]

I look back and see the twisted road
Best friends and despair took its toll

Take away [x4]

Sorrow, sank deep inside my blood
All the ones around me, I cared for
And most of all I loved
But I can't see myself that way
Please don't forget me
Or cry while I'm away

Look at my face you pierce with a blank stare
No dream could prepare a heart for a lifeless friend.
He's gone. Nothing will take back time.
I need him back, but nothing will take back time.

I can see just fine with you in my life,
There by my side as it starts to fade
I know this can't be right, stuck in a dream
A nightmare full of sorrow
[x2]

Part 1 is a slower, mellower song while part 2 is faster and harder.


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